Honesty

Alright readers, 

I know it has been a while since I've last written. A month to be exact. But, in this month... I have learned so much about myself. 

As most of you know, it is Holy Week and Easter draws close. Through the season of Lent, I decided to give up things that I found that were extremely detrimental to my relationship with Christ; baking, soda, and I also went on a dating fast. 

I want to talk about the things that I have learned about myself through this dating fast, and I will explain to you, my sweet readers, what it is/involves. 

The dating fast: I did a lot of research, talked to a lot of gal pals, and this is what I did. I was very strict on myself about no flirting with the men in my life that I liked, no daydreaming about those men, no baking, no seeking attention or possibly thinking that every man I meet could be a potential mate. [Not that I think of every man I meet as someone I could date, sheesh]. Also no going on Pintrest and pinning my future wedding... I was kind of, detaching myself from those who I thought were holding me back from a relationship with Christ. Well, they weren't holding me back from a relationship with Christ, but rather my focusing on these individuals was holding me back.... 

Well, rather, there was just one individual that I felt I was trying to get to more than striving to fill my heart with God's word, and spreading His word. Last week, as I was talking with one of my friends and my boss, I was describing the feelings that I was having at that exact moment, and at that moment... This weight, this heaviness lifted from me- it was like the Lord was saying "atta girl, you FINALLY figured it out!"

What I figured out that, I was trying to get to Christ through this individual. I was trying to seek the approval of Christ through this individual, I wasn't whole heartedly going to church to learn the word of God, but to seek this individual. That is not what I have strived so hard for in the past 9 months. We are all humans, make mistakes, and fall from grace sometimes. But, with all of our humanness, realizing our mistakes... We can get back to our feet and keep walking with the Lord.

For the longest time, I felt like I wasn't worthy of this individual, I thought that I was pure or holy enough for this individual. But, with the most amazing friends, I was finally able to realize that not only that I AM worthy of this man, but maybe God put him in my life to set a templet for what my future husband should be. A man of God. Though it may not be him, he's a gosh darn good representation of what a true man of God and honor is. 
My heart has not changed through this individual, but through Christ.  I also now know that I want a man who has to seek God, to seek my heart and my full love.

[One of my best friends, in this entire universe, when she invited me to this church... She told me that she wanted me to feel the love that she feels all of the time.
She didn't get this love through someone. She received this unconditional love through Christ].

Yet, another crazy thing that I found out about myself and about this situation is that the infatuation and lust that I had is fading away. I am no longer seeking this individual out after church, before church... I feel free. I feel like there's no pressure- even though there was no pressure, it was just created in my silly head to make me crazy.  

But this dating fast has brought a new light to my life, and has helped me realize once more, that I cannot please everyone around me. I have also realized that, somewhere out in the world, there is someone crazy about me, and I- them. Patience is the best virtue that anyone can have, especially when it is least expected. 

My sweet readers, if you are stuck in a rut and feel like your relationship with Christ is slipping, take a step back. See what is holding you back from this relationship, and just take a step back. Once you've taken this step back, for however long, and realized 



"From the end of the earth I will cry to you,
When my heart is overwhelmed;
Lead me to THE ROCK that is higher that I".
Psalm 61:2