Fears.

Readers, 

Today I realized, that as I was crawling on the roof to help my mom with the air conditioning, that I have a really dumb fear... Climbing onto the ladder and going up it. Usually, I just stand at the bottom of the ladder holding it for my mom, but today... She needed me to go up there with her and  help her just hold some part for the air conditioning. 

As I stood at the top of the ladder wobbling, fearfully flinging myself onto the roof, I thought to myself, "This is stupid, what am I so afraid of?". What exactly was I afraid of? The roof is sturdy, I have my mom's loving hand to guide me and protect me, yet every possible thing that could go wrong was running through my head- I could kick the ladder it would fall, there would be no way down, I could fall and land on the fence- ultimately dying,   of course, I could fall through the roof, and the list goes on. I was terrified being up there. But, we finished our work up there and carefully climbed down. 

Last night, as I was beginning to write this, I thought how fear applies to so many of our daily lives- some of us choose to overcome these fears and step out in faith, and some of us cower and sit idly by. 

But, what if we were to step out in complete faith knowing that Jesus has us completely and firmly in his grip. We are His children, and like that parent that cares about us so deeply and loves us so unconditionally , He's looking out for our best interest; and even though we sometimes do not like the outcome or the path He has set for us, we have to know that it is in our best interest for Christ to guide us. We have to listen and obey Him.  Even when the Devil tries to tempt you, lead you astray, we must, WE MUST focus on the light, we must keep our focus on Christ. He is our cornerstone, the one stone holding us together. 

My faith in Christ has not faltered over the past months, the trials and tribulations that I have been going through, are not merely just bumps and bruises to add to the insult and injury that I have been experiencing, have been some of the best possible things that could have happened. I have truly been shown Christ's love and grace. How strange is that to say? These experiences and expectations that I have been wanting, not only have failed, but Jesus is saying, not right now- if it be for love, work, or for the friend who I was trying to save. I have been so terrified of being alone and having nothing to show for my work, that God has given me some of the most gorgeous opportunities to break through walls and barriers. I have been so terrified to grow up, there are things I cannot let go of, but.. I am slowly learning how to let go of, and I am indeed growing up. 

I am growing into someone that I would have not believed I could be a year ago. If you had told me, this time last summer that I would be working with children, serving a church, not only serving but leading future generations of kids... I would have probably laughed at you and cussed at you. Probably not cussed, maybe. I really don't know anymore. Ha.

But, I have boldly stepped out in faith. I have been inviting people to church, I have been sharing the joy of Christ with others. Last week, I bought a homeless man a hamburger- he wasn't begging for anything, I just couldn't leave him sitting there. So, I bought extra food and called out to him. I do not know what has become of him in the week since, but... Through a simple act, he has been shown the love of Christ. 

If more Christians were to step out boldly in their faith, and show others what it is to be truly Christ like, the impact would be huge. 

In Jeremiah 1:4-8, we see God calling upon Jeremiah to speak to other nations about God. 

Then the word of the Lord came to me, saying:
"Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you;
Before you were born I sanctified you;
I ordained you a prophet to the nations."

Then said I:
"Ah, Lord God! 

Behold, I cannot speak, for I am youth."

But the Lord said to me:

"Do not say, ' I am youth,' 
For you shall go to all whom I send you, 
And whatever I command you, you shall speak. 
Do not be afraid of their faces,
For I am with you to deliver you," say the Lord.

For me, this is so incredibly powerful. We are made in God's image. He knows us. He knows our failures, our shortcoming, our fleshly desires, but He still loves us and he still wants us to go and make disciples of nations. How cool is that?

Readers, what are your fears?  What is holding you back from doing God's work? Our Lord and Savior is willing to meet us where we are. No matter how far we've fallen, He's stretching His hand out, waiting to catch us. We just have to get back onto our paths. And He will meet us.

Nothing will divide this love.

Readers, I'm not quite sure how to start this one off. But, I have to start somehow. 


Who is Jesus, and why is He so important in my life? Some of my friends have seen this change in me, wondering what is going on, wondering why I am putting all of my trust in this "mythological" man. I have had friends tell me that I am wonderful just the way I am, and that I don't need Christ or God or prayers to get anything. Because, I am pure awesomeness. To be honest, someone telling em that I don't need Christ or God in my life, was kind of like a gigantic kick to the back of my head... That is when it hit me. Not all of my friends are followers or disciples of Christ. I have friends that are atheist, Muslim, Jewish, Hindu, Buddhist and friends who are in and out of relationships with God. 

So, for my friends who think I have lost all of my marbles, I want you to know that I have never been happier, all of my marbles are in my head, and I want you to feel the love that I feel on a daily basis.

Jesus. To me, He is my best friend. He is the one I go to when I am feeling blue, He knows all of my secrets, He is my heavenly father; and seemingly, He's been more of a father to me  than my own father. (I love my dad, no matter what). But, I have come to this phase in my life, wondering just exactly WHO Jesus is to me and WHAT my relationship with Him is. 

I recently bought a book called Jesus Is _____. by Judah Smith. Though I have only gotten through the first two chapters, I have been so incredibly inspired, and I want everyone to go to Barnes and Noble and buy this book! 

In my last post, I told you all that I went on a dating fast, and I noticed that I was trying to reach Christ through someone that I still, to this day admire, and melt every time I see him.  But, I was trying to strengthen my relationship with Christ through this man- and this is not the way to gain a stronger relationship with Christ or God. So, on this dating fast (which I am still on), I have been reading my Bible daily, this book by Judah Smith, and I have been conversing with Christ on a daily basis (well, I pretty much talk to Him all day), I have been praying and really asking God questions about the things that I have been most curious about- and He answers me. Not always immediately, but the answers becomes clear. 

By fasting, my relationship has been strengthened 10,000 times over. I know who I am, and where I stand with Christ. I know that He loves me through my faults, I know He loves me even though  I have my shortcomings, my insecurities, and sometimes, just sometimes... I want to punch people in the throat, but... That is not very Christ like. 

Alright. That term of being "Christ-like" and a Christian. In all honesty, I don't really like the term Christian. This term was only used in the Bible 3 times, and it wasn't  a very nice term. It was rather derogatory. So, rather, I would like to say to people, my friends... That I am a follower of Christ, even a disciple. 

For those of you who do not know who Christ is... He is not some angry deity who is judging and condemning your every move. Nope. Not even close. He walked on this Earth, He had friends, He had people who hated Him, but mostly He loved every single one of the people he came into contact with. He wasn't sent to Earth to hang out with all the "morally righteous" Pharisees; He was sent to Earth to hang out with the sinners, the sick people, the outcasts, and those who felt like they had no one. Jesus was that one person that everyone wanted to be around. He was the cool kid in high school who everyone wanted to hang out with on a Friday night, but he chose the nerdy, sickly kid to hang out with- but that kid's mom was the best cook on the block, so she just made the best meal for her son and Jesus to eat. One of Christ's last commandment for his followers was to love one another as He had loved them. So, I try to love people where ever I go and that is how I show people the love that Christ has for all of us sinners.

Also, there is no sliding scale for sin. There is no scale of 0-10. Sin is sin. So, every sin from cursing to burying someone in your backyard is equally weighed in the eyes of God. 

I don't know why I had to throw that in, but.. I did. Also... on that side note of sin. One of my favorite stories from the Bible comes from Luke 15. It's called the Parable of Prodigal Son- (prodigal = wasteful).  

Here's a sweet little paraphrase of this story. If you have your Bible near you, get it out and read it, if not... Google it. Yes, I just said Google it. But, if you're lazy... Keep reading.

This story in Luke 15 is the last in a set of three parables: Each with the same outcome. The people were overjoyed when they found something they lost. Well, this last parable is about a son who asks for his share of his father's estate before his father's death. So, the father willingly agrees to divide his fortune among the two brothers. The youngest brother goes off squanders all of his money in a frivolous lifestyle. He probably bought a big fancy house, had loads of liquor, women, drugs... But, after his wealth runs out, a famine breaks out across the land that he is living in. He grows so hungry, that he is willing to eat what the pigs are eating- just to eat something! So, this young son musters up the courage to go back home; just so he doesn't starve to death. He thinks of what he's going to say to his father, he repeats to himself, "Dad, I'm sorry for being such an idiot. I'm sorry I wasted YOUR money on stupid things. I have sinned against heaven and you, I would be LUCKY if you took me in as a servant". Well, as he's walking home, coming over the hill, his father sees him and COMES RUNNING towards him! The son starts his speech, which has to be pretty embarrassing, when the father tells one of the servants to go get the finest robes to clothe him in, and to slaughter the calf that was being fattened. There was an amazing party for this son who came back. The eldest brother, who is out in the fields working, asks someone what is going on, and they tell him. Infuriated, the brother says to his father- "I have been loyal and faithful to you all of this time, and you have never given me a party"! 

Well, the moral of this tale... It is not that God isn't pleased with those who have been loyal and faithful to His word, but... If one person, just one person goes home, like this prodigal son, there is a gigantic party in heaven for this person! And this is how it should be everyday! There should be parties in every church, synagog, temple, for people who come back to God!

But, you're probably thinking that being good and pure is boring... But, imagine the kind of party that God can throw. Imagine the party Satan can throw- It'll probably be kinda scary, in a big fiery pit of doom. With really bad people. 

But, my whole point of this is... I'm not afraid to proclaim my love for Jesus! My heart has completely changed. I feel like that prodigal son who went back home to my father, after acting like a complete fool, and yet He still loves me. 

I have never felt this kind of  love before; it is completely unabashed and unfettered. I know that His love for me is growing day by day and my love for Him is growing stronger and stronger day by day. One of my best friends, when she first invited me to church told me that she wanted me to feel the love that she feels on a daily basis. 

And that readers, is what I want for you... I want you all to feel this love that is so amazing  and unconditional. 

Readers,  I encourage you to get involved with a local church in your area. If you are in the Albuquerque area come to Copper Pointe Church. There are three student ministries: Farenhiet for middle schoolers, 212 for the high schoolers, and Wake for the college aged people. Copper Pointe has some of the best pastors in the country.  These people have helped me grow my relationship within Christ. If you don't want to jump into a church community right away, pick up Judah Smith's book Jesus Is____. It is an amazing look at who this man is and was. 

Honesty

Alright readers, 

I know it has been a while since I've last written. A month to be exact. But, in this month... I have learned so much about myself. 

As most of you know, it is Holy Week and Easter draws close. Through the season of Lent, I decided to give up things that I found that were extremely detrimental to my relationship with Christ; baking, soda, and I also went on a dating fast. 

I want to talk about the things that I have learned about myself through this dating fast, and I will explain to you, my sweet readers, what it is/involves. 

The dating fast: I did a lot of research, talked to a lot of gal pals, and this is what I did. I was very strict on myself about no flirting with the men in my life that I liked, no daydreaming about those men, no baking, no seeking attention or possibly thinking that every man I meet could be a potential mate. [Not that I think of every man I meet as someone I could date, sheesh]. Also no going on Pintrest and pinning my future wedding... I was kind of, detaching myself from those who I thought were holding me back from a relationship with Christ. Well, they weren't holding me back from a relationship with Christ, but rather my focusing on these individuals was holding me back.... 

Well, rather, there was just one individual that I felt I was trying to get to more than striving to fill my heart with God's word, and spreading His word. Last week, as I was talking with one of my friends and my boss, I was describing the feelings that I was having at that exact moment, and at that moment... This weight, this heaviness lifted from me- it was like the Lord was saying "atta girl, you FINALLY figured it out!"

What I figured out that, I was trying to get to Christ through this individual. I was trying to seek the approval of Christ through this individual, I wasn't whole heartedly going to church to learn the word of God, but to seek this individual. That is not what I have strived so hard for in the past 9 months. We are all humans, make mistakes, and fall from grace sometimes. But, with all of our humanness, realizing our mistakes... We can get back to our feet and keep walking with the Lord.

For the longest time, I felt like I wasn't worthy of this individual, I thought that I was pure or holy enough for this individual. But, with the most amazing friends, I was finally able to realize that not only that I AM worthy of this man, but maybe God put him in my life to set a templet for what my future husband should be. A man of God. Though it may not be him, he's a gosh darn good representation of what a true man of God and honor is. 
My heart has not changed through this individual, but through Christ.  I also now know that I want a man who has to seek God, to seek my heart and my full love.

[One of my best friends, in this entire universe, when she invited me to this church... She told me that she wanted me to feel the love that she feels all of the time.
She didn't get this love through someone. She received this unconditional love through Christ].

Yet, another crazy thing that I found out about myself and about this situation is that the infatuation and lust that I had is fading away. I am no longer seeking this individual out after church, before church... I feel free. I feel like there's no pressure- even though there was no pressure, it was just created in my silly head to make me crazy.  

But this dating fast has brought a new light to my life, and has helped me realize once more, that I cannot please everyone around me. I have also realized that, somewhere out in the world, there is someone crazy about me, and I- them. Patience is the best virtue that anyone can have, especially when it is least expected. 

My sweet readers, if you are stuck in a rut and feel like your relationship with Christ is slipping, take a step back. See what is holding you back from this relationship, and just take a step back. Once you've taken this step back, for however long, and realized 



"From the end of the earth I will cry to you,
When my heart is overwhelmed;
Lead me to THE ROCK that is higher that I".
Psalm 61:2

Giving thanks for being lost.

Readers,

Whatever you do, whatever your situation, whatever condition you are in right now... Praise God. Give thanks to Him. 

For the past six or seven months, since I have been in an intense relationship with Christ, my life has changed. In so many ways, though these things may seem small on the outside, but on the inside, my heart is exploding with joy; and I feel that so many doors are opening for me and those around me.

Let me tell you a story about where I was, even a few months ago. 

As a recent college graduate, honestly, I was lost. I was scared. I did not know what I wanted to do with my life. Well, I knew what I wanted to do, but... I didn't know where to start. So naturally, with my degree in English, I thought that my best choice was right at this very moment was to just start applying for jobs (knowing that the very first place I applied for would hire me, well that didn't happen), and I would get on with my life. Save money, start paying my loans back, move out and grow up... Well, that was obviously not in God's plan. I interviewed for a coffee shop about a month and a half ago, the interview went really well, and the manager said that she would call me by the end of the week. Well, I never received the call- yes, I have been looking elsewhere for other jobs. Heartbroken and discouraged, I was encouraged by the fact that there's a family that I help with their children, and they were coming back to Albuquerque for a short while to visit (currently, I am helping them and my heart is over joyed). Yet, still looking for a job, I was presented with another opportunity. A sweet friend of mine was in need of a nanny. She messaged me on Facebook asking if I wanted to take care of her two sweet little boys. Of course, I said yes! I am so excited to be apart of these kiddos lives. 

But, what does this have to do with anything?  Well, for months now every morning when I wake, and every night before I go to sleep, I give absolute thanks to Christ. I thank Christ for what abundance I have, I thank Him for the food in my house, for the dogs that protect me, for the cat that meows at me at 3 in the morning, for my mother, my brothers, my father, every great moment, and every moment that is not so great. I gave my worries and my fears to God, and in trusting Him, my worries were seemingly melting away.

 Also, with the worrying about a job, I was worrying about  what I was going to do with my life- because, after all, I can't live with my mom for forever. Suddenly, I felt as if there was a calling placed upon my heart, upon my LIFE. Ministry. MINISTRY. Going into ministry had been on my heart for about a year now, but being the silly disobedient person I didn't listen the first time; so the chance to go into ministry was presented to me again through my church. I took that leap of faith and applied- as silly as this seems, there is such great comfort in the unknown. I can't wait to start helping in different ministries, help with the city, with the women, with lost college students. I cannot wait.


But, all of this goodness I gave thanks. I gave thanks through the times I felt so lost, through the good times, through everything. I have even been tithing- and it is amazing the goodness that has been poured into my life. 

I cannot wait for the things to come. 

My sweet readers, I challenge you to just to give thanks. Give thanks to the Lord, and give thanks to the things that are unknown.

An Ode To Love.

Readers,

Today this seems appropriate. An ode to love. But not just any type of love... An unconditional love. For those of you who know me personally, or are friends with me on Facebook or Twitter... You know how much I love my dogs. Mack and Molly Brown. 

I know. There are loads of dog lovers out in the universe. But personally, I think my dogs are the best; and though I may love other dogs, I cannot sleep a night with out my two gigantic heelers right next to me. 


I adopted Mack Brown from the Animal Humane New Mexico. It was Super Bowl Sunday three years ago. The New Orleans Saints had won, and this sweet butterball of a puppy had won my heart. Of course, I had to go get my sweet Aging Old English Sheepdog from my house so they could meet. Winston was amazing. Though he did not care for the hyper activity of this puppy, he accepted the fact that this pup was coming home with us; he taught Mack what it was to be a Gibson. Winston helped me train this sweet sweet puppy. Within a couple of weeks, he was sitting, staying, going to the bathroom outside, shaking, and truly enjoying his new home, and his new family. (I did not tell my mom about this puppy, but she fell in love). 

Mack was about three months old when he lost his best friend at home. Winston had died of old age, and heart failure. He was 16 years old when he died. 

 But, this is not where this love story ends. It is merely the beginning. From that moment on, Mack learned his independence. He was no longer a shadow, but he was the big dog in the house.  From the day that I had brought Mack home, he had patiently waited for me at the window; he would not eat, drink, use the bathroom, or play until I was safely home from school- mind you, I was at school from 7 in the morning until 3 or 4 in the after noon. Concerning behavior from a puppy. My mom had sent me a picture saying that he had not moved from our front window all day; so, I did some quick research on red heeler behavior, and they are extremely faithful to their human. Every night that I go to bed, I can assure that Mack will be in my bed after I have gotten comfortable. 

This behavior continues today. He will not budge from the couch, which is against the window until I am home from wherever I have gone. 

Josh Billings once said, "A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than  you love yourself". 

Mack is a shining example of selfless love.  I think that God created dogs to show humans, that we as a species need to be a little more selfless. Dogs are the ones we look forward coming home to everyday; unless you don't have a dog. . . Then I suggest you go get yourself one. Dogs don't care what you've done, who you are, how much you weigh, if you've showered or not, they don't care if you wear make up or not. Dogs take you as you are. Simple truth as this may be, all a dog wants is a scratch on the belly, food, and a warm place to stay in the night. The little gestures that we give to our dogs, the small amount of time we spend with them, or the great amount of time we spend with them. . . the amount of love that is given back in return is so enormous, that it bursts through the ends of their tails. Mack's tail is about 3 inches long, so when he's happy... His whole body wiggles in delight. If ever I leave, for even just a moment, Mack brings me a stuffed animal of his, and gives it to me as a sign of welcoming. 

Alongside Mack, there is his other half, the unsinkable Molly Brown. Now, the love that they show one another, is absolutely amazing. As much of a surprise Mack was to my momma, Molly was a surprise to me. We had gone to the Humane Society together, to look at potential mates for Mack- and we had found one. She was literally the black sheep of the group. Her brothers and sisters were all gorgeous red heeler puppies, but she was the one who was mixed. I think it was her jet black fur, silver chest, and semi-floppy ears that had won our hearts. She was eight weeks old, but we could not quite take her home yet. Saddened, we went home without a pup. So, the next day I had gone to school, a little sad, but knowing that this beautiful dog was meant to  be mine. I called the Humane Society to see if this little girl was still there, but she was not... Someone had adopted her already. Saddened, I slowly walked into the SUB, where my mom had called me. She asked me what I was doing, I told her that I was on a long break... She told me that she would be down to campus in twenty minutes, she had a surprise for me. It was the gorgeous black dog from the Humane Society. Needless to say, I was so excited. We walked around campus for the next couple of hours getting to know one another. When my mom had come for her, she said... So, what's her name? I told her, Molly Brown, the unsinkable. I had a great feeling about this little girl. She is so insanely brilliant, beautiful, and funny. Just like Mack learned from Winston, Molly had learned from Mack. She is just like Mack, patient and seemingly always waiting. She is always at the front door waiting for me to walk in. She always greets me with a tennis ball, and is never sad. Just like Mack, she always sleeps right next to me, and she is always by my side.

I honestly can't remember a moment in the three years that I have had Mack, or the two years that I have had Molly where either one of them isn't next to me; no matter if I am in the bathroom or in the kitchen cooking, they are always next to me.

So, readers, you may be asking yourself... Yeah, I have a dog... Yeah, they always follow me and get in my way... So what?

The point that I am trying to make,  is that dogs love you, care for you, and are always waiting for you. They do not care about what you did last night, or what the number on the scale is. They love you with all of their hearts, and they would die for you. That's a lot of love, and God created these precious creatures to remind us every day what Jesus did for us. He died for us. 

So, today being Valentine's Day... I want you to spoil your dogs a little bit more than usual. They deserve it. Even if it's an extra MilkBone or two, show them that you appreciate them. Aspire to be the person that they think you are.  The love of a dog is the purest love someone can encounter. 

Insecurities, Mistakes, and Going Home.

Dear readers,

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. Or HANDSOME. Which ever you are, it's the truth. Do not let the labels of society bring you down. Those labels are not your truths. 

That is first and foremost. This has been a reoccurring message within the ministries at my church, and I feel that it is something that I need to spread. We read from Mark 10:46 which teaches us that our God, is a God of restoration; and this chapter is excellent proof. Just days away from his crucifixion, Jesus went to Jericho with his disciples, but he was also surrounded by an exceptionally large crowd of people. Yet, within this crowd, was a blind beggar called Bartimaeus. People were stepping over him, being rude to him, telling him to shut up when he knew that Jesus was present. 

Now, this crowd was loud. But Bartimaeus knew that Jesus was present, so he kept SHOUTING. The crowd of course, kept telling him to shut up... But he did not. He kept shouting. Jesus heard him. Jesus said to the crowd to bring Bartimaeus to Him. Bartimaeus knew where He was. He knew where Jesus was. He got up, threw off his beggars cloak  and went to Jesus. 

Jesus asked him... "What do you want ME to do for YOU?" The blind man answered him, "Rabboni, that I may receive my sight". Jesus said to him (READ THIS CAREFULLY) "Go your way; your faith has made you well." Bartimaeus' sight was instantly restored. Because of his faith in The Lord.

So- there are a few lessons here: 
(1) The coat that was given to Bartimaeus was given to him by the city, signifying that he was indeed poor, blind, and was a beggar. His throwing away of his coat was the disconnection between his FORMER and NEW IDENTITY. Much like Elisha's faith in Elijah (Kings) when he said that God had called him; and he burned his plow and killed his oxen. They are throwing away their cushion. They are throwing away things that they can go back to- it's like leaving the city, going into the woods, throwing your keys to your car into the river and going into a new town. You have no directions, or food. . .  Just FAITH. When you are in Christ, when you're walking with the Lord you are not who you WERE, you are not WHAT YOU'VE DONE, or WHAT HAS BEEN DONE TO YOU! Our society has this lovely way of labeling us at our exact moment of weakness. 
(2) Ask Christ to change you, define your needs! Many times we are asking God for things that will make us comfortable, but in all reality... We need to ask Him for our VISION back. We need our purity back.
(3) He's calling us. The Good Lord knew us before we were even conceived. We have a call on your life; we need to ask Christ what that call is. Don't run from Him. He is the answer.

Bartimaeus was the only person who had gotten healed that day. Why? Because he was he only one who CRIED OUT. Jesus heard his cry. Jesus HEARD HIS CRY. We have to ask God to to take our blinders off. We need to ask God to change our vision- give us it back. Faith without action is DEAD. God moves when you do. Ask. Be fruitful, be faithful.

Insecurities are another thing that plague our nation. But especially our young women. Insecurities range in anything from selfishness, to being overly competitive, dominating, over-accomidating, being over-materialistic, defensive, inappropriate joking, self promotion, bullying, jealousy. . . etc. I'll be the first to admit, I am not the most secure person in the world. Sure, I have some things that I can work on, and that I am working on, like my weight, taking supplements for my hair- I have really thin hair and bald spots. But they build character. I used to inappropriately joke around a lot. Not so much anymore; I'm an auntie, and I take care of two beautiful girls. They need another positive role model in their lives. 

We learn from 1 Samuel 20, the moment that we give our insecurities to the Lord, the he will show you your reason. Hannah taught us that we have to get out from under the table of comparison; the game of comparison is always a lie. I will never be a 6'1'' Victoria's Secret Angel- but I will always be my sturdy 5'5'' curvy frame. And I love that about myself. I love my legs, my fingers, my eyes, hips, tummy, hair, smile, tattoos, feet... etc. I really love everything about myself. I know that God is in control of the situation. He is in control over every thing. He has not forgotten about us- HE SEES THE BIGGER PICTURE. We just have to get away from our insecurities. But, the thing that we are most insecure about... Is the thing that God will work WONDERS for us within our lives!!!! We just have to stay connected to the source to truly have self-confidence. The moments when we have the most insecure moments, are the moments when we are not connected to the source. 
Ladies, we are daughters to a KING. It's time we start treating ourselves like princesses. Not materialistically. But, spiritually and within our faith.

This leads into my last little segment. How to lead a greater life.
(1)What you say is what you are; the way you talk is the way you feel about yourself.
(2) Dating: If you fail to plan, then you plan to fail. Everything in our lives involves planning. Is your dating intentional or accidental? Write down the qualities you want in your future husband or wife. Seriously. I did it. This list is non negotiable.
(3) Gentlemen: Never make a woman uncomfortable with the way you talk/touch/treat her. 
(4) Ladies: A guy can't give you his heart, when all he sees are all your parts! Don't blame a dog for the attack when all he sees is meat. Now, ask yourself... Is this something my heavenly father would approve of?
(5) What do you do in the name of God? Are you doing something in the name of God that scares you?
(6)Do you have nice things, or do those nice things have you? Is God your God? Or is money your God?
(7) Finish what you start. Seriously. Once you have started something... Finish it. Ladies, ask your man what he has finished. 
(8) How you respond to discipline, will determine your destiny. Discipline comes from the same root as disciple. The greatest friends will ask you the toughest questions.
(9) Is the Bible the ULTIMATE authority in your life?
(10) Church isn't the destination, it's the means to the destination. The church is the hub/central/atrium/heart for all things. 


So, readers.... I know that this is a lot. A LOT. But, I want you all to go out in faith. I want you to put your complete faith in Christ with your insecurities, with your LIFE- throw away your old identities and give your life back to Christ, and I also want you to make a list- a non negotiable list of qualities that you want in your future husband or wife. I'll share mine with you another time. But I've made one. 

Do not let your past mistakes identify you

On Friendship and Forgiveness

There are two things that I have learned about myself within the past week and a half --- 

(1) I'd much rather spend time with my dogs than a lot of people... AND (2) The friendships that I thought were true friendships, were nothing more than pseudo-friendships. Yep, false footed friendships. Ah, well here's a third (3) I have never really had friendships that were based whole heartedly in Christ. Crazy as that seems. I don't know why I have never been in any relationship without Christ as the center of it.

In the pseudo-friendship, I always felt as though I was not being lifted up, nor was I lifting my friend up... We were both in this friendship purely out of comfort. We were afraid to lose the familiarity of each other's company, gossip, feelings, outings, and the boy talk. But, after a while of being stuck in this falsity, we both had had enough of the abuse. The abuse wasn't physical, it had never gotten that far... But for me the abuse was much more dangerous and hurtful. It was verbal and emotional abuse. She was the perfect chick, with the perfect body, perfect hair, tiny clothing, street smarts. . .  etc. And I was, her "fat" smart friend. I was the one with the big hips, big breasts, a pudgy tummy, book smart. . . She would always tell me that men would never like me because my breasts were too large, or because my hair was too thin, or blah blah blah.... And this words became my truth. I felt I wasn't good enough for any man.  But, this wasn't just one friend doing this to me, this was two, simultaneously, at different times in the day.

This went on for YEARS. 

One of my friends, was getting married, at the Belagiao in Las Vegas-- yet, I had to refuse to go because I didn't have the funds to fly out and get a room and all of this fun stuff. That's where our friendship ended. Her prince was back from war, and her world was right. She didn't need me anymore. We haven't spoken since. It's been about 3 years since I have seen her last. It doesn't bother me one bit. 

My other friend, while the friendship above was ending, was ending on the same day. I had text messaged her saying hello and that I had missed her and that we needed to go get coffee soon. Friendly and innocent enough as it was, turned into a I hate you, and I never want to talk to you again (this was coming from my friend). That was that. Fifteen years of friendship had gone down the hole. Through everything we had gone through together, she just wanted to wipe her hands clean of me, and to be completely honest, I wanted to rid my life of her as well. 

Fast forward two years, I was entering my last year and a half of college, I was for the first time in years, healthy--- I had the friendships, the body, the lifestyle, and the smile to prove it.  Then I get a message on Facebook... It was my old friend. She said that she wanted to make peace with me, meet her fiancé, and she wanted me to be at the wedding in few months. Befuddled, I didn't know how to respond then with joy for her, because at last she had found the one who her heart has desired. 

So, before I met her fiancé, we had coffee and talked like nothing had ever happened or there was ever a disturbance in this pseudo-friendship. After a few more meetings over coffee, I had met this man that had claimed her heart. Though he isn't anything I would ever have thought about dating, I actually find him rather repulsing. Yes, as a friend I told her that. I was a witness at their wedding a few months later at the courthouse. 

For their first year of marriage, she would only really see him on the weekends, because his job took him out of town most of the week. So, she would always complain about how lonely and upset she was because he was never there with her or really for her. She had a lot on her plate at the time, and she needed the moral support that she was only getting really from me, but not from her husband or family. So, she would always message me and say how she was going to divorce him because he wouldn't stop smoking or he was doing this, that and the other- and frankly, she didn't like him doing any of that. And I would agree with her, saying that if she wasn't happy then she should find some one who would make her happy. I wasn't supporting her in her marriage as much as I should have been.

Recently, I noticed that we weren't friends on Facebook anymore, I decided to text her, telling her that I was sorry for not being the friend I should have been in the times that she needed me the most. She told me that there was no need to apologize, I was always there for her when she needed to complain, but she never understood why I went to her wedding and was a witness and all that jazz... And that's when the truth came out of me... For the first time in ages. She was happy for the first time in her life. That is why I was supporting her marriage in the first place.  Because she for the first time in her life, she was happy. Though we haven't spoken much in the past two weeks, I'm fine with it. She's working her butt off right now, and I am happily searching for a job, going to the other side of town to watch one of my nephews a couple of times a week, and for once I am happy. 

Dear reader, you may be asking yourself, why is she telling us this story? 

Because through this hurt, heartbreak, and falseness of some friendships that I have had, has led me to greater friendships. Friendships that are not only filled with love, truth and joy.... But friendships that are centered around Christ. 

These friendships, although they are still new... Feel like that have been in the making for the longest time. For the first time in my life, I know what it is to really forgive and let go. But these women that I have come into friendship with, are the ones that see me for who I really am, and they are not letting me go back into the dark place that I once was. These women lift one another up, they do not insult one another for the betterment of their feelings-- but rather, they speak truth over one another. It's a beautiful thing to be surrounded by such light. My sisters in Christ are helping me become a better friend, and a better daughter in Christ, and just helping me become a person who is not afraid to be who I really am. 

Readers, friendships shouldn't feel  like burdens. And if the friendship that you are in feels like it is a burden to continuously step into, then maybe you should step back, and reevaluate the situation. Is this person your Lot? Are they holding you back from Christ? Are they holding you back from the greatness that you are, or will become? Or do your friendships feel like a continual blessing? Are your friends helping you grow in Christ, and a helping you become greater than you already are??

Think about it. Get rid of the Lots in your life. Once you have gotten past these lessons, these people, go fulfill what God has truly laid out for you. Sure, God puts people in your life for a reason, maybe to learn a lesson. But... When that lesson is learned, don't hold on. Forgive those who have hurt you and let it be.