On Friendship and Forgiveness

There are two things that I have learned about myself within the past week and a half --- 

(1) I'd much rather spend time with my dogs than a lot of people... AND (2) The friendships that I thought were true friendships, were nothing more than pseudo-friendships. Yep, false footed friendships. Ah, well here's a third (3) I have never really had friendships that were based whole heartedly in Christ. Crazy as that seems. I don't know why I have never been in any relationship without Christ as the center of it.

In the pseudo-friendship, I always felt as though I was not being lifted up, nor was I lifting my friend up... We were both in this friendship purely out of comfort. We were afraid to lose the familiarity of each other's company, gossip, feelings, outings, and the boy talk. But, after a while of being stuck in this falsity, we both had had enough of the abuse. The abuse wasn't physical, it had never gotten that far... But for me the abuse was much more dangerous and hurtful. It was verbal and emotional abuse. She was the perfect chick, with the perfect body, perfect hair, tiny clothing, street smarts. . .  etc. And I was, her "fat" smart friend. I was the one with the big hips, big breasts, a pudgy tummy, book smart. . . She would always tell me that men would never like me because my breasts were too large, or because my hair was too thin, or blah blah blah.... And this words became my truth. I felt I wasn't good enough for any man.  But, this wasn't just one friend doing this to me, this was two, simultaneously, at different times in the day.

This went on for YEARS. 

One of my friends, was getting married, at the Belagiao in Las Vegas-- yet, I had to refuse to go because I didn't have the funds to fly out and get a room and all of this fun stuff. That's where our friendship ended. Her prince was back from war, and her world was right. She didn't need me anymore. We haven't spoken since. It's been about 3 years since I have seen her last. It doesn't bother me one bit. 

My other friend, while the friendship above was ending, was ending on the same day. I had text messaged her saying hello and that I had missed her and that we needed to go get coffee soon. Friendly and innocent enough as it was, turned into a I hate you, and I never want to talk to you again (this was coming from my friend). That was that. Fifteen years of friendship had gone down the hole. Through everything we had gone through together, she just wanted to wipe her hands clean of me, and to be completely honest, I wanted to rid my life of her as well. 

Fast forward two years, I was entering my last year and a half of college, I was for the first time in years, healthy--- I had the friendships, the body, the lifestyle, and the smile to prove it.  Then I get a message on Facebook... It was my old friend. She said that she wanted to make peace with me, meet her fiancé, and she wanted me to be at the wedding in few months. Befuddled, I didn't know how to respond then with joy for her, because at last she had found the one who her heart has desired. 

So, before I met her fiancé, we had coffee and talked like nothing had ever happened or there was ever a disturbance in this pseudo-friendship. After a few more meetings over coffee, I had met this man that had claimed her heart. Though he isn't anything I would ever have thought about dating, I actually find him rather repulsing. Yes, as a friend I told her that. I was a witness at their wedding a few months later at the courthouse. 

For their first year of marriage, she would only really see him on the weekends, because his job took him out of town most of the week. So, she would always complain about how lonely and upset she was because he was never there with her or really for her. She had a lot on her plate at the time, and she needed the moral support that she was only getting really from me, but not from her husband or family. So, she would always message me and say how she was going to divorce him because he wouldn't stop smoking or he was doing this, that and the other- and frankly, she didn't like him doing any of that. And I would agree with her, saying that if she wasn't happy then she should find some one who would make her happy. I wasn't supporting her in her marriage as much as I should have been.

Recently, I noticed that we weren't friends on Facebook anymore, I decided to text her, telling her that I was sorry for not being the friend I should have been in the times that she needed me the most. She told me that there was no need to apologize, I was always there for her when she needed to complain, but she never understood why I went to her wedding and was a witness and all that jazz... And that's when the truth came out of me... For the first time in ages. She was happy for the first time in her life. That is why I was supporting her marriage in the first place.  Because she for the first time in her life, she was happy. Though we haven't spoken much in the past two weeks, I'm fine with it. She's working her butt off right now, and I am happily searching for a job, going to the other side of town to watch one of my nephews a couple of times a week, and for once I am happy. 

Dear reader, you may be asking yourself, why is she telling us this story? 

Because through this hurt, heartbreak, and falseness of some friendships that I have had, has led me to greater friendships. Friendships that are not only filled with love, truth and joy.... But friendships that are centered around Christ. 

These friendships, although they are still new... Feel like that have been in the making for the longest time. For the first time in my life, I know what it is to really forgive and let go. But these women that I have come into friendship with, are the ones that see me for who I really am, and they are not letting me go back into the dark place that I once was. These women lift one another up, they do not insult one another for the betterment of their feelings-- but rather, they speak truth over one another. It's a beautiful thing to be surrounded by such light. My sisters in Christ are helping me become a better friend, and a better daughter in Christ, and just helping me become a person who is not afraid to be who I really am. 

Readers, friendships shouldn't feel  like burdens. And if the friendship that you are in feels like it is a burden to continuously step into, then maybe you should step back, and reevaluate the situation. Is this person your Lot? Are they holding you back from Christ? Are they holding you back from the greatness that you are, or will become? Or do your friendships feel like a continual blessing? Are your friends helping you grow in Christ, and a helping you become greater than you already are??

Think about it. Get rid of the Lots in your life. Once you have gotten past these lessons, these people, go fulfill what God has truly laid out for you. Sure, God puts people in your life for a reason, maybe to learn a lesson. But... When that lesson is learned, don't hold on. Forgive those who have hurt you and let it be.